An introvert’s guide to connection.

I’m Jeremy. A weird human, full of contradictions.

I crave connection, yet I’m most comfortable living on my own. I romanticize teamwork, yet I’m most fulfilled working by myself. I love my friends, yet I’m most energized by my own company.

I’m addicted to independence, yet I’m lonely. And I don’t think I’m alone.

How to connect when you’re “quiet”.

My hot take on extroverting while introverted.

Choose quality over quantity. Identify the people you want to have more of in your life, think deeply about why you want to be in touch, and reach out to make it happen.

Take the time to celebrate a birthday, commemorate an anniversary, or offer condolences on a passing memorial. And for goodness sake, write the message yourself.

Be excited about the highs, be vulnerable about the lows, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We’re all weirdos, so just be yourself.

We need community.

Dunbar’s number famously (and controversially) caps the count of people we can truly know at roughly 150. While that number is largely derived from the size of the human neocortex, it’s also based on the notion that we live and / or work in community with these people. How quaint. Sadly, today’s nuclear family structure, remote-friendly work culture, and high level of individualism mean we’re disconnected from our communities to an unprecedented degree. And as a result, we’re lonelier than ever.

If you’re reading this, perhaps it’s safe to assume you’d like more personal or professional (or even romantic) connection in your life. So do I! And there’s reason to believe this is great for living longer, healthier, and happier lives. If that’s not enough, it’s likely people would really like to hear from you more often. If you’re an introvert like me, probably even more than you think they do.

Catching up is the key.

There are lots of ways to cultivate community. We can live with our friends. We can go back to the office. We can cultivate third spaces. And while I believe we should explore all of these things, there’s also something we can do without completely upending our cozy, curated lives: catch up regularly with the people we care about.

All it takes is intentional outreach, thoughtful communication, and authentic expression.

Sound like you?

Let’s keep in touch. I send intentional, thoughtful, and authentic perspectives on connection, right to your inbox weekly(ish).

Even when we decide we want to reconnect, we’re often unsure about how to do it. It helps to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes: How would we want them to reach out to us?

James Clear ∙ Atomic Habits

At a time when a lot of people aren’t getting married, friendship is a relationship that can provide a lot of the fulfillment we think of as limited to romantic partners.

Rhaina Cohen ∙ The Atlantic

Sitting on the sofa, toying with the idea of sending an old friend an unexpected text, worrying the message may seem weird. Research suggests such fears are unfounded.

Nicola Davis ∙ The Guardian

Even when we decide we want to reconnect, we’re often unsure about how to do it. It helps to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes: How would we want them to reach out to us?

James Clear ∙ Atomic Habits

At a time when a lot of people aren’t getting married, friendship is a relationship that can provide a lot of the fulfillment we think of as limited to romantic partners.

Rhaina Cohen ∙ The Atlantic

Sitting on the sofa, toying with the idea of sending an old friend an unexpected text, worrying the message may seem weird. Research suggests such fears are unfounded.

Nicola Davis ∙ The Guardian

I also make an app.

It’s a nice, simple tool for keeping in touch with the people you care about, but tend to forget in this silly, busy world of ours.

Time to catch up with Rohini!It’s now been three months.

Have you heard from Steph?They were due last week.

It’s Craig’s birthday today.Remember to send a message.

Download on the App Store

Time to catch up with Rohini!It’s now been three months.

Have you heard from Steph?They were due last week.

It’s Craig’s birthday today.Remember to send a message.